Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Top 10 Reasons that Santa is Better than Jesus

What're YOU looking at?

It's that time of year again.  With all the cries of people taking Christ out of season, and the sobs of liberals bemoaning consumerism with Christmas, I thought that we could take a minute to compare the two through their chosen avatars.



(Ready Santa?)

As long as this (nomnomnom) doesn't interrupt my cookie, (nomnom)...you can stay on the "good" list.

(Ready Jesus?)

WAIT!!! I didn't know the camera was rolling, I swear he was this way when I got here!

Oh Jesus, you are such a joker....

Let's waste no time and get to the list.

10. You don't have to die to see Santa.
Although to be fair he doesn't really get seen a lot, but he does leave presents in his wake.
9.   You don't have to believe in Santa to get a present.
He seems to favour the living, and his rules for judging good and bad are far less....... evil? (Seriously Jesus, beating sassy children isn't helping your cause)

8.   Santa shows up on time.
 (Jesus is 2000 yrs late!)

I've been busy!  You think I was just hanging around??

7.   Jesus doesn't provide seasonal Employment
Although his employees provide lots of income for people in the mental health professions...

6.   Santa loves figs!
They drive Jesus as nutty as squirrel poo...

5.   Santa doesn't ask for donations

4.   You don't have to eat Santa
Body and blood??? Ummm, not in THIS cookie is it?

3.   Santa only wants milk and cookies, Jesus wants your soul!
Although, again to be fair, Jesus doesn't break into your house to get it.
You SURE that you hate your genitals and all the same people I do?  Ok then, you're safe.

2.   Santa's employees aren't pedophiles

I don't always slag Jesus but when I do, I hit below the robes....AND SO DO HIS PRIESTS! *drums*

And the number one reason that Santa is better than Jesus is.......

1.   Santa isn't a republican

Umm, this is awkward but could you just play down our relationship a bit Mitt?

It was close on a couple of points, and Santa's penchant for break and enter crime certainly helped you, but for now Jesus will have to settle for a divine  "maybe next year Jesus..."


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