Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Bizarre Bible Lessons-Part 1 Genetics

A lesson in genetics

Found in: Genesis 30:37-39

As we all know, the bible is divinely inspired and, with this lesson so clearly stated, I am not sure why we don't look to it more often for scientific answers and advice in search for knowledge. Could there be any more pure and precise source of knowledge than the magic man who started it all? (For those of you waiting for an answer, the answer is obviously “no, there can’t be. God MADE science so he knows all about that sciency stuff)
For decades upon decades there have been people who breed animals and use genetic artificial selection to their own benefit in the manipulating animal traits. Colour, size, aggressiveness, protectiveness, and of course tastiness, are all desirable traits which people seek in their particular "flock". Animal husbandry has become quite a science which costs millions of dollars and thousands of man hours across the world to achieve the proper effect for new breeds. People could save themselves a LOT of time if they would just read the bible.

No need for research, it is all in there. Let’s take a look at one such example;

This is the story of Jacob and his father in law’s (Laban’s) beloved sheep. Not the boring plain ones, the other ones and the only ones that matter, the striped ones. Basically, Jacob has served Laban well these many years, making him rich by the tending of his sheep and other farmy animals, while Laban gets all the money from his efforts and cheats him from his reward. After many years, and an attempt to flee he figures it is time to face up to Laban and to demand what is his so that he may have a home of his own to support his enormous blended family (from 3 different women (his wife and two concubines). BUT it is not as bad as it sounds because the biblical science of genetics says that because his wife was the one giving the concubines to him, that it was really her who bore them all. Makes perfect sense, read a book!) He made Laban rich so he figures, its “Jacobs time” and time for Laban to give him his cut. He has a clever plan to make money for himself, and asks for nothing but the opportunity to breed Laban’s sheep once more. Jacob sayeth unto Laban "Separateth all the coloured animals (you know, the VALUABLE ones) and leave the plain to me. I will use the wondrous and complex power of genetics and animal husbandry to make a new flock for myself" Laban thought "What the hecketh, he hath madeth me volumes of greenback in his time of servitude. I will let him runneth with his idea"
Jacob was cunning and needed no science, he needed no research, nor to select the animals with the most desirable traits. He needed only sticks and a water trough. His plan was genius in its simplicity. He merely stripped the sticks of bark in a patterned manner so that they appeared to be striped just like the animals he desired, and placed them in the water troughs. Clearly this was so that when the animals went for a drink and caught an eyeful of these wondrous sticks, they would hear Barry White in their heads, get amorous with the ever willing female ewes (known across the animal kingdom as the floozies of the farm) and, with striped sticks in sight, conceive striped offspring. GENIUS!
If it is obvious to you that placing sticks half stripped of bark in a water trough and hoping that the animals would copulate in front of them, placing striped images in their minds during copulation would produce striped progeny. Then consider yourself a genius too, because that is exactly what happened.
Jacob takes the first "batch" of genetically enhanced animals, and allows Laban to continue to use this method to make himself even richer and to gain "many flocks, maid servants and men servants, camels and asses." I mean who doesn't like asses and man servants? umm......

Moral of the story?
The bible is true, and scientists are closed mined to spend all that time on research and development instead of just going to the obvious source of truth OR don’t let the laws of nature and logic keep you from realizing your dreams!

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