Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Ninja reputation and culture under attack!
Ninjas have been around for thousands of years, and during that time they have garnered much respect as stealthy fighting legends. During the shadow warrior’s 2500 year reign, no single group has ever made a serious push to generate the fear and respect that Ninjas enjoy.
Their number one spot on the terror list has long belonged to shinobi, and it has been largely unchallenged, until now.
Who could challenge the ninja? The legendary dark warrior? The silent assassin?
Who could supplant them as the leaders in terror and fighting skill?
Shaolin monks? A
re these sequestered peaceniks coming out of hiding to bend spear tips on their chests in public and demand our obedience? Will they do finger-stands and amaze us into fearing them? Will their bald heads shining light on us inspire terror? No, likely not. The skill is clearly there, but the will to bring fear to the masses is not. The mystery surrounds them, but they bump their knees on furniture in the dark.
Besides, can you really fear vegetarians?
Republicans? I mean intelligent people all over the world fear them now. Bush made sure of that and Palin and the tea party have entrenched that fear in the fabric of the culture that we live in. But can they really challenge ninjas?
No, I would say not. They are not easily disarmed and are extremely tenacious but they are not well armed and republicans make fools of themselves without any outside influence.
Ninjas don't like being laughed at.
As a matter of fact, mocking only moves at 4 times the speed of the internet, and ninjas are already in your kitchen making sandwiches and looking at your family albums while they wait for you to come home in that time. They are killing you for mocking them before the thought has fully formed in your head.
So I don't think republicans are a good competitor here.
No, the new villain that I am speaking of are learning their skills in new fighting schools that cater to their special killing needs. These are Muslim women who, while wearing the niqab, are studying martial arts in Britain. Dozens of new schools are appearing every day to teach them the fighting arts. They say they are protecting themselves against a new anti Islam violence, I say that is a convenient excuse to get out the niqab and inspire fear.
I call them ninjabis.(pronounced ninj-abies)
Think about it. They are already shrouded in mystery, they can blend into the darkness and they are backed by the fear that extremist Islam has created all over the world and their holy book contains more instruction of who to kill and when than any other tome.
For years Islamic men have been spreading their terrible beliefs and bringing terror (whether it is warranted or not), now they are in a perfect position to join the ranks of the silent killers.
They are used to not making eye contact, to staying in the background and trying to stay unnoticed, to concealing their identities as individuals, and they are perfectly suited to night operations. Who better to undermine the reputation that ninjas have tried so hard to develop?
They say that the meek shall inherit the earth, maybe they will do that inheriting by ninjabi chopping and head kicking!
The ninja only have one natural enemy, Samurai. Since Samurai have been disarmed as of the late 1800's with the no weapons edict, ninjas rarely come up against any real competition. But now that the ninjabi are around, that might change.
Every creature has a natural enemy, so who can stand this terrible new threat?
Who can defang the dogmatic snake?
Who will emerge as the natural enemy to these dangerous ninjabis?
Who could possibly defeat such a being?
A being whose only weaknesses and natural enemies are their husbands, the Quran, Allah, stonings, sexual guilt, genital mutilations, and simple lustful glances cursing them for someone else's thoughts.
Hmmmm maybe the ninjas are safe after all.....